Living contradictions.
No wonder we feel like we’re going insane
Sometimes I wonder whether I wished I didn’t know…
Didn’t know about the warming planet, acidifying oceans, falling biodiversity, oncoming food insecurities, soil erosion, coastal erosion, and on and on.
I find myself feeling all sorts of jealousy and envy when I talk to people who don’t think climate change is a big deal, who believe our governments have our best intentions at heart, who think business as usual is the right way to live, who believe they have a never-ending future rolled out in front of them.
Or maybe instead I wish my morals were stronger…
That I could be the kind of person who point blank refuses to even consider buying a car. Who takes their recycling to three different centres to ensure it bloody will be recycled properly. Who could never even entertain the idea of buying anything from H&M.
But I don’t seem to be either of these people. I sit in the middle, trying to fully comprehend the future we have created for ourselves, whilst trying, to somewhat participate in the society around us.
I think I exist in the consumer society and the collapsed society simultaneously. My standards and beliefs inside my head are one thing, and my reality is another
No wonder we feel like we’re going insane–we are living contradictions.
Our internal experience, our internal knowing, doesn’t match up with what seems to be happening in our daily lives.
→ We walk around supermarkets to buy our food to live, whilst knowing our money is supporting the use of pesticides that are killing millions of insects.
→ We buy clothes from stores we can’t quite be sure aren’t forcing their employees to work under horrific conditions.
→ We work at jobs we know at best aren’t contributing to a better future and at worst actively ruining our future, but can’t walk out as we have bills to pay and mouths to feed.
There’s this constant tension, a constant disconnect between what we know and what we experience. What we read and what we see.
It so often feels like we’re barely working part-time to save the world when society is working full-time to kill it.1
In reality, knowing or not knowing doesn’t matter, because there is no going back either way.
I can’t pretend I don’t know. I can’t forget what I've learnt. I can’t unsee the signs. And as we can no longer reverse the path of runaway climate change, we simply have to keep going, living in the two worlds, living in these constant contradictions.
I do think I like knowing, though.
Knowing allows you to keep yourself from falling into the trappings of consumer society. Yank off the wool capitalism has pulled over our eyes. Feel better when we don’t fit into the tight model of life expected of us. Understand why we feel exhausted, burnt out, and sick.
Knowing allows us to point out what's wrong, to tell others about it, and to stand against it when the opportunity presents itself. Knowing allows us to attempt to keep corporations and politicians in check. Knowing allows us to see the faults of our current world and begin to imagine what a better future might look like.
P.S. If you enjoy my writing, you can buy me a coffee to fuel my work.
P.P.S. If you’re between the ages of 18 to 30, I’m a co-host of a Youth Climate Circle organised by One Resilient Earth for those worried about climate change and environmental degradation. Join us every week at 4:00 pm BST or 5:00 pm CEST.
I don’t know the source of this quote! I saw it, didn’t save it, and now I can’t find it! If you know, please let me know.
Hi Isabelle, sorry about your pain, I feel the same frequently. One of my personal values is sticking to the truth, and so I have to point out that runaway climate change is far from a foregone conclusion. Admittedly we have a certain amount of evidence that it could be starting, and the scientists like Rockstrom, Hansen and Anderson certainly say things that would lead us to think so. True, we have had over a year above 1.5, and true, it doesn't appear that society is going to do a damn thing about it except maybe speed up the energy transition a little, which was going to happen anyway. However, that said, we can choose less grim outcomes if we fight hard enough. And in many ways and many places, life is still beautiful. And add your own favourite philosophy here 😆
'Our internal experience, our internal knowing, doesn’t match up with what seems to be happening in our daily lives.' So much rings true here.
I often feel like I'm going back to sleep again; not that I'd ever completely lose awareness or stop trying altogether, or become a different person with altogether different values, but sometimes the cognitive dissonance is such a strain, it seems like it's just easier to let go, drift off, push it to one side, distract myself with other things. I think perhaps that's one of the things we can do though, keep nudging each other awake again, and that's what you're doing here.