Thank you for writing this. The more I experiment with this village-building work, the more I have come to see the loneliness epidemic as the ecological crisis. They become almost indistinguishable the deeper I wade in. I've just been working on some book chapters that circle around many of the topics you've courageously named here. Blessings, Adam
There is just so much to say on this topic! Another reason people are lonely is that they lack social skills to that are required to build friendships. The desire to have friends is there, but how does one do that? Friendship making skills involves how to read people to determine if they're safe, how to have witty banter, where to begin a conversation, how to keep it going, how to make others feel at ease, when to share more vulnerable things with others, taking on other people's perspectives (to build harmony), how to get past chit chat and onto more deep conversation - which is what builds connection, and satisfaction. Being with people is not enough to ward off feelings of loneliness - it has to be the right people. The kind of people that feed your soul and make one feel understood. I've teach social skills (which is really fun!) and some of my students claim their online friendships are all they need. I've always felt a bit suspicious of that. So thank you for clarifying this with your own experience in gaming. I'm gonna use what you said "You can't trick your monkey brain with online friendships." Thank you!
Hehe so glad you liked this Alissa. I know right! We're all bumbling idiots when it comes to socialisation but put so much on the other person to know what they're doing. None of us know! Need to take one of your social skills class myself. Let me know what your students thinks of your new come back.
What a great resolution! I was a very lonely, isolated child, too, and now my mother brags that I'm the Warren Buffet of friends. If I were to spend time with everyone I connect with, I would accomplish nothing, but I would be ever so happy. I'm very lucky that I do get to work creatively with friends, and that is a special (and admittedly) complicated gift as well. In addition to individualism, this productivity obsession really inhibits our socializing, which is so crucial to our thriving.
So glad I have you in my life, even if it's only over WhatsApp and Zoom! XO
Isabelle,
Thank you for writing this. The more I experiment with this village-building work, the more I have come to see the loneliness epidemic as the ecological crisis. They become almost indistinguishable the deeper I wade in. I've just been working on some book chapters that circle around many of the topics you've courageously named here. Blessings, Adam
Thank you so much Adam. I 1000% agree. Excited to read from your book soon I hope :)
There is just so much to say on this topic! Another reason people are lonely is that they lack social skills to that are required to build friendships. The desire to have friends is there, but how does one do that? Friendship making skills involves how to read people to determine if they're safe, how to have witty banter, where to begin a conversation, how to keep it going, how to make others feel at ease, when to share more vulnerable things with others, taking on other people's perspectives (to build harmony), how to get past chit chat and onto more deep conversation - which is what builds connection, and satisfaction. Being with people is not enough to ward off feelings of loneliness - it has to be the right people. The kind of people that feed your soul and make one feel understood. I've teach social skills (which is really fun!) and some of my students claim their online friendships are all they need. I've always felt a bit suspicious of that. So thank you for clarifying this with your own experience in gaming. I'm gonna use what you said "You can't trick your monkey brain with online friendships." Thank you!
Hehe so glad you liked this Alissa. I know right! We're all bumbling idiots when it comes to socialisation but put so much on the other person to know what they're doing. None of us know! Need to take one of your social skills class myself. Let me know what your students thinks of your new come back.
What a great resolution! I was a very lonely, isolated child, too, and now my mother brags that I'm the Warren Buffet of friends. If I were to spend time with everyone I connect with, I would accomplish nothing, but I would be ever so happy. I'm very lucky that I do get to work creatively with friends, and that is a special (and admittedly) complicated gift as well. In addition to individualism, this productivity obsession really inhibits our socializing, which is so crucial to our thriving.
So glad I have you in my life, even if it's only over WhatsApp and Zoom! XO
Haha! Warren Buffet of friends! Teach me your ways. Looking forward to catching up soon <3
This is one of my favorites I’ve read
Thanks charles :)
You’re welcome.